Distress Calls Can Be Scary

There is little doubt that very few must have missed an item that sounds similar to the one below in his or her inbox. I receive at least twenty daily. I am surprised that many people take it seriously(as in the case of many winning notifications of lotteries) and reply to the mail. Then a chain of mails continue to arrive till you realize that your email is with almost all the possible hands in this universe. Read one of the samples below.

FROM;MRS GRACE BOLAIGE

Greetings,I am making this contact to you on the fact that we may be of assistance to each other in developing a long lasting cordial business relationship, if you put your trust in God that this will work out forthe benefit of my own family and yours. I was moved by my personal inspiration to entrust on your sincerity to handle a business relationship that involves huge money on trust. I was constrained by the sudden death of my husband, the former Minister of Power andsteel and currently before his death, the Minister for Justiceof my country, whom was assassinated by an unknown men.I am Mrs. grace Bola Ige, the second wife of the late Mr. Bola Ige who died on December 23rd 2001. With heart full of grief, I regret to inform you of the inhumane and harsh conditions which my husband's first wife and the brother's have subjected my two daughters and me. Since my husband's death,the relatives have been wicked to us because of the following reasons:1. I am not from the same tribe with them.2. My refusal to learn and speak their tribal language and dress like other women fromtheir tribe. 3. My refusal to accept their religion4. Because I have no male child.5. Because I was specially loved and favored I am absolutely tired of all these threats from my husband relatives since the death of my husband.I am no longer in their Family house. am now in my husband's guesthouse, with my daughters, I seriously need your kind assistance and co-operations. Few weeks before my husband's death, he entrusted some security documents that cover a deposit he made to asecurity company to the tune of 25 million U.S dollars to my care for safe keeping in my apartment in Abuja.After his death I acted fast and required to gather information about the consignment. I was made to know that it was deposited as family treasure of a foreigner/associate to be delivered on request. This fund was deposited for safe keeping with a Private Security Company. Now I am seeking for a reliable foreigner who can come down to clear the funds in his/her name as the sole beneficiary of the Consignment. This is so because of my statushere as a widow of a political juggernaut. Now I solicit your assistance to accept this sum for self-keeping. This I cannot lodge into a bank account here in my name to avoid suspicion from the Government, my husband's brother's and wife since they have Confiscated all that is left by my husband and still places eyes on me if they could lay hands on more including cash as they have left me and my children without any cash.If you can accept this, I urge you to contact us immediately for us to brief you on arrangement on how we can possibly handle this.This is why I honestly contacted you because investing this money abroad should be the best for my dauthers and me. I will be honored if I can be given the privilege of dealing with the investment proceeding with you. I expect you to be trustworthy and kindenough to respond to this distress call to save US from a hopeless future. And if you agree, I hereby agree to compensate your sincere and candid effort in this regard with 30% of the principal sum. While the remaining 70% will be invested meaningfully for our future if possible in your area of business and different sectors of the Economy in your country which are dividends yielding. Whatever your decision is please reach me immediately through my email.And keep this letter tight secret for the interest of my Family. I regret to inform you of the inhumane and harsh conditions which my husband's first wife Justice Mrs. Atinuke Ige and the brother's have subjected me and my two daughters. Since my husband death, the relatives have been wicked to us in my husband family.I hope to hear from you soon.

MRS GRACE BOLA IGE

Now imagine the BJP faces a precarious situation for such a distress call and imagine Mrs Grace Bola Ige is given the task of drafting an SOS. Here is the sample she has drafted

FROM; TOP LEADERS OF BJP

Greetings,We are making this last ditch effort to dig ourselves out of the pit that we are in right now. We were constrained by the sudden death of our aspirations after the last elections when the people of India cruelly finished our party. We had ran the India Shining campaign and had several religious processions before the elections but that could not prove to be of any help to our survival.
We regret to inform you about the inhumane and harsh conditions our party president had to face from the party itself. The party's defeat the people of India have been wicked to us because of the following reasons :
1. We are not from the secular outlook that they seek to be.
2. Our party president's refusal to deny support that he had offered to Mohmmad Ali Jinnah
3. Our refusal to find a solution to Ayodhya dispute. If we had found one, that would have been the sudden death for us. By prolonging we could reach this far but we never realized that people would forget the sacrifices our party has given for the temple.
4. Because our family believes parivar is the supreme.
5. Because our party was specially loved and favored we are absolutely tired of all these threats from petty politicians and intolerance within the party since the end our regime in New Delhi.
We are no longer the ruling regime. We are in opposition now. We seriously need your assistance and co-operations. Few weeks before our defeat, we had entrusted various projects like sale of hotels, building super highways etc to the tune of millions of rupees. After our defeat, we were made to know that even the name of the project has been changed and enquiries ordered to other deals. The new regime has also brought employment guarantee act and right to information act which proved to be detrimental to our revival.Now we are seeking for a reliable partner to be our sole beneficiary for the mid term elections that is coming up soon. We solicit any party in India to accept this challenge and save us from further embarrassment. We cannot put this offer directly to avoid suspicion from the government. The ruling party's chairperson as well as the prime minister has confiscated all the remaining sympathy that we had with the electorates here in India.If you can accept this, I urge you to contact us immediately for us to brief you on arrangement on how we can possibly handle this.
This is why we honestly contacted you because partnering this coalition may not be in the best interest of the country. We will be honored if we can be given the privilege of dealing with the seat sharing proceeding with you. We expect you to be trustworthy and kind enough to respond to this distress call to save us from a hopeless future. And if you agree, we hereby agree to compensate your sincere and candid effort in this regard with 30% of the total seats while the remaining 70% will be shared meaningfully among all our other partners. Whatever your decision is please reach us immediately through any television channel. Once you see a 'breaking news' flash on any of the channels, expect a call from us. Till we decide on our seat sharing formula, all the channels will flash 'breaking news' logo even if our talks continue for months altogether.And keep this letter tight secret for the interest of our parivar.

(No offence meant. Satirical pieces should be taken in its right spirit)